dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
