It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
