oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize