We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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