the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
