so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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