I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
