I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
whose parrot is this?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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