Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
