just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
