Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
