I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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