I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
