I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
