Cold hands, warm shart.
i think my mom watched the whole time
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
