Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
