My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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