When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize