Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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