bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
