It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
