It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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