She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
