Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
