I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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