I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
