i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
