this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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