Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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