Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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