You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Your tits are I can't wait for
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You need a sexual gate keeper
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
