I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
