I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize