I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Randomize
