Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
This baby is an asshole
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
