white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
