So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
