If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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