need another drink. this is the easiest way
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
