dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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