I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
