I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
