taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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