Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
