party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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