I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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