Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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