After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
