maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
