I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
