my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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