I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
