someone get that fucking seahorse.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
