Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
