you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
