i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
