i don't like sucking hair
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
