I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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