the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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