I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
